I’ve always been very passionate and outspoken. I have strong opinions, sometimes backed only by my gut feelings rather than logic and rationale. I can admit that. I’m not ashamed of my fervor or my tenacity, (or, my incessant need to right the wrong). I often feel the urge to discuss controversial issues and topics. Do I sometimes stop and think whether or not I should respond to, or comment on, or blog about a topic? Sure! I think about that often, actually. In fact, if I commented on everything I actually wanted to comment on (specifically on social media), I’d have to quit my job, leave my family, and move to a remote island with wifi, just so I can spend my days calling out people on their bullshit. But, I digress.
Recently, a new meme has “graced” Facebook:
The point of this meme, I guess, is to inspire those who are sedentary into becoming less so. But for me, that meme did not evoke those feelings.
This meme kind of enraged me. (I am being dramatic; I am not actually enraged.) How dare someone compare one elderly woman to another? Is this a thing now? Comparing women of the same age and implying one is better than the other because one is muscular and the other is not?
I’ll be blunt; this meme is dreadful because:
1. This meme (under the guise of inspirational) is now viral. That means females of all ages are looking at it and thinking the “choice is [mine]: do I want to be a muscular body builder at 70 or do I want to be old and wrinkly and frail?” There is no in between, right? Either I have a hot bod at 70, or I get all…old. So, let’s add to the pressure women already have to be fit by telling them if they don’t spend their lives at the gym, they will start looking old, and frail, and unattractive. And, that was all their choice! Let’s tell women that only one choice is the right choice.
2. The comparison is unfair. The woman on the left is Ernestine Shepherd. She is the oldest competitive female bodybuilder, who — by the way — used to be a model. She has professional trainers. After her first child, she decided she did not want any more children because she could not fit into her clothes. Although she is definitely an incredible human, her story is not of a typical woman. It’s unfair to compare her to anyone else.
What do we know of the woman on the right? Well, nothing. What was her life like? Did she have access to a healthy and organic lifestyle? Could she afford a gym, a personal trainer? How many children has she had? How much of herself did she give to her family, her work, her obligations? What kind of person is she? Is she a Holocaust survivor? Was she raised in an orphanage? Did she suffer from a disease, cancer? Did she choose to spend her days fighting for justice, her evenings raising her kids, and her weekends volunteering and advocating for those who are unable to do so themselves? What were her priorities? What were her devotions? What were her choices? Rather, what choices were available to her? We have no idea. Who gets to decide her choices weren’t as “good” as the choices of the woman on the left? Yet, someone thought it was appropriate to compare these two women for the sake of inspiration.
3. Few things annoy me more than those who try to “inspire” at the expense of others, or as a friend calls them: “self-indulgent, judgmental narcissists in supportive girlfriend clothing,” aka “a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”
How in the world is this inspirational?
See this average pregnant chick? Well, look at this model and her flawless pregnant body! You should be inspired to not be a “fat pregnant chick.” The choice is yours.
See this old, wrinkly grandma? Well, look at this bodybuilder with these gorgeous muscles! You should be inspired to not be an “old, wrinkly grandma.” The choice is yours.
There is nothing inspirational about comparing women to each other. There is nothing inspirational about putting others down to build yourself up. There is one feeling that is prevalent though and that feeling is guilt. These pictures guilt women into feeling a certain way. And, guilt is a completely useless emotion that takes up way too much space in the brain. Guilt is entirely unproductive and discouraging. Using guilt in order to force someone into doing something is ineffective and, honestly, a crappy way of going about it. You want to motivate and inspire people? Be the best person you can be on your own. Do great things. Be kind. Help others. Pay attention to how you make people feel.
4. Are we forgetting every body is different? I have to stop eating dairy and carbs and spend 5 days/week at the gym in order to drop a few lbs. A friend of mine can stop putting sugar in her coffee and drop a pant size. We are the same age. We live relatively similar lives. Our pasts are about the same. And, yet I have to try 5 times as hard to lose those few freaking pounds. There is such as thing as “winning the genetic lottery”; just like some people are naturally intelligent, naturally athletic, naturally innovative, or naturally driven. Most traits are innate. And, of course one can work hard and possibly get similar results as someone else, but let’s not pretend that anyone can just get up and become a body builder overnight. It is not common. It’s extraordinary, and that is why that particular woman was in The Guinness World Records. Average people don’t make the book.
You may be thinking, “O.M.G, Diana! It’s just a meme. Not everything is a big deal!” But, you are wrong. Let’s not devalue how relevant memes like this are. Let’s not say they aren’t sending a message, because they sure are, otherwise they wouldn’t evolve into memes. Otherwise, this photo would fizzle as quickly as it was created. Memes like these are irresponsible. And, smug. And, I’m calling bullshit.
I get it. Looks govern our society. We can’t ignore we are rapidly becoming a society where “healthy” is the new buzzword. Being fit is “in” and spending your evening on your couch instead of in the gym is looked down upon. I get it all. But, none of that means we get to put down those who don’t agree with, or can’t afford (in more ways than financial) this new lifestyle. As women, we have put a lot of pressure on ourselves already. As teenagers, we are told we should be athletic and in shape or boys won’t pay attention to us and other girls will ostracize us. As young adults, we must compete in the world where youth and beauty lead the way. In pregnancy, we are told it’s cute to be “all belly” only; then, we are shamed into losing that belly before our bodies are healed from labor and delivery. As mothers, we must be fit and hot and stylishly-dressed (god-forbid your jeans resemble “mom jeans”). Now, at 70, we must be muscular and run 80 miles every week, or we risk becoming a meme set to inspire. We must carry the world on our shoulders. We must balance careers, families, health, social life, and other obligations all while looking swole in our skinny jeans. Let’s stop adding to this ridiculous pressure with these ridiculous memes. We do enough damage with our snarky side-comments, and with our “I’m so much more fabulous than you” Facebook posts. Because, guess what? The harsh reality is that both of those women will die within the next couple of decades. And the world won’t remember them for how they looked; but instead for what contributions they made and how they made others feel.
